I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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