Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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