Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
