I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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