Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
