There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
