I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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