My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
