There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
