Nicole vs. Life
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
