I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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