I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
