I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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