We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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