Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
