Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
