my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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