can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
