It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
