speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
