worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
