There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
