yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
