I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
