Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
