Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize