You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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