i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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