You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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