there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
