what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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