I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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