Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
