he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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