She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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