I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
