Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
