She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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