Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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