I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
