just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
