Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
