he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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