do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
