I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Drake has all the answers
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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