I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
