I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
