I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
