hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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