I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
