come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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