I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
