I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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