maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
