I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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