I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
