I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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