my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize