doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
