Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
