found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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