I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
