one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
third nipple confirmed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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