I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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