It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
