according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
