The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
