Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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