Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
