That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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