Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
