Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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