i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
